I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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