my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so let's talk penis.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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