fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I intend to get homeless drunk
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
