Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fuck me I smell like cheese
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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