dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
