She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
