i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
