Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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