I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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