I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Randomize
