sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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