i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
