Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
