I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I could fuck to npr.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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