I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
