Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
