Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
