People in love make me want to vomit
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
