I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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