i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
