we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The Olympian is in my bed
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