You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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