You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
