I wanna bring you to show and tell
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
