Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
