Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
