dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
