Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
