Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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