PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
