never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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