a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
