Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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