I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
