So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
