win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
