True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
