well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
