"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
