It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
NoShamevember. You game?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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