people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
