Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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