I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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