Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
