i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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