whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
