youre lurking in front of me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
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