Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
