Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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