I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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