Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
