I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
